Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Single Mom’s Bed - MY Story Part 9
Growing up with a single mother brought new experiences into my life. Yes, I’m going to talk about it. That three letter word. S E X. While I was aware that married couples (including my parents) had sex, the concept of sex outside of marriage had been foreign to me. As my mother began to date inevitably the men she brought to her bed she also brought into our house. While she is currently on her fourth husband the number of men she’s shared a bed with is far more.
While I take full responsibility for my decisions and actions and don’t blame her, the example I was being set was another mixed message. Just as when my parents were drinking, doing drugs, and teaching Sunday School, now there were sexual relationships outside of marriage being played out before me while I was being taught that it was a sin in church.
Just to make things clear. Sex outside of marriage IS a sin. I will not apologize for that fact. It is clearly set out in scripture and should not be up for discussion. But I would like to approach the subject from my perspective as a child and teenager growing up in that environment. I hope that this can open our eyes to see the effect our sin has on our children and homes.
I saw the attention she received from men and I wanted the same thing. I saw her dress in revealing clothing. I wanted to dress that way to. I saw men buy her things. I wanted boys to buy me things. While I knew that what she did and the way she lived was wrong in God’s eyes I was still absorbing it. I longed to hold that same power over men that she seemed to have, while praying and asking God to protect her.
I worried. I was frightened. I thought I may lose her. There were times when I couldn’t sleep and cried at night consumed with the fear that she may get AIDS. Knowing that the lifestyle she lived could lead her to that. But yet I had no control. So I cried. And I prayed.
I worried and grieved out of love. And I suffered alone out of shame. I was convinced that if anyone knew they would assume I was just like her. I was sure that what she did reflected on me. There’s so much I didn’t know. So much I didn’t understand. About how the body of Christ is made to support each other. About the power of praying together. I knew that the sins of our parents were a curse to us. I didn’t understand that Jesus’ sacrifice could break that curse.
I thought I was alone.
There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.”
1 Corinthians 6:16-17