I’ve been getting up multiple times every night for nearly four years now. My oldest son is almost four. He was followed by my two year old, who was followed by my 11 month old. Three boys born in the span of a three years.
When we were expecting our first son our friends who had children told us how we would get up and lean close to our baby just to make sure he was still breathing. I was sure I wouldn’t be that mom. I would entrust my children completely to God. I would never check to see if they were breathing. Of course they were breathing! Why wouldn’t they be?
But they were right. The first cold he caught turned me into the kind of mom who looks close and lets out a sigh of relief at the sight of that tiny chest rising and falling in rhythmic breathing.
And in subtle ways I’ve become that mom. Slowly but steadily attempting to take back the control. To carefully loosen God’s grip on my children to hold tight to them myself. Little by little I’ve been exchanging the peace Christ offers for desperate attempts to keep my home and family in order and within my reach.
But it comes slyly. I realized that last night as I left the baby in the crib after his 3 a.m. feeding. On my way back to bed I usually peek in on my older two boys. Last night I thought about why and decided not to.
What do I gain? A lifestyle of worry. But when I decide to entrust them to God’s keeping. I gain peace. And can claim the promise of Proverbs 3:24 with confidence. Don’t you love it? A Biblical promise of a good night’s sleep, and the afternoon nap part is just icing on the cake!
You'll take afternoon naps without a worry, you'll enjoy a good night's sleep.
Proverbs 3:24
I am working on letting go of the control. It has lead me to an over stressed life filled with panic attacks and unhappiness. I have no clue how to find that balance though. At what point do you say, "I am asking and believing in GOD but I need to do my part too"?
ReplyDeleteLove the pic at the top, Nice Blog!
ReplyDeleteAngela, I've been pondering and praying on your question. It's not an easy one to answer. God has entrusted us with some precious gifts in our children. It is certainly our responsibility and privilege to care for and protect them.
ReplyDeleteWe teach them by what we do. If I'm doing things based on my fears they are learning to be fearful and insecure.
In the case of my checking on them in the middle of the night, what was wrong was my motive. The fear that something could have happened to them. The same action with a different motive, like my peeking in on them just cause they are so cute when they're sleeping and I want to see them, would be something totally different.
I guess it takes discernment and the Holy Spirit's guidance to show us when we are being controlling and when we are simply being responsible. I'll be praying for you.
It's a moment-by-moment trusting of God to do HIS will in their lives. It's hard, but OH so worth it!
ReplyDeletePraise God we can rest in Him, when we lay our worries at His feet. Great post!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully stated! What a struggle from being 'that mom' while our worry grows. But as we place our faith in God our fears lessen. Not as easy as it sounds, but true! Love your post.
ReplyDeletei think we should be friends! i also had 3 boys in 3 years (although my oldest turned 4 soon after the 3rd was born...so yours are definitely closer). I found my grip of control was forced open when I had my 3rd. I couldn't control everything without losing my mind. Love the verse you shared. Feel like i have spent the last 6 years obsessing over naps/sleep. Great reminder to even relinquish control over our children's sleep.
ReplyDelete@godcenteredmom
ReplyDeleteFunny, that's the same thing that came to my mind the first time I saw your family pic on the blog. "We should be friends! She has 3 boys to."
Sweet mama...I have two boys and one girl....and I still go in their rooms....to snuggle, kiss, get one last glimpse of the day...because in the morning, they'll be different...the chubby cheeks and fingers grow smooth and strong....so, I still trust that Mommy instinct when I think something is wrong...but, I'm clinging to those little peeks in the middle of the night.....HUGS!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful photos and beautiful thoughts. It's funny. I just used that same reference with a sleeping-baby post just a couple posts ago! It's a good one. :)
ReplyDeleteSome of what you say makes me think of Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts. Have you read it?
Having 5 kids.. I still find myself walking through the house at night checking on them. With my newborn I watch each night as her chest moves up and down breathing.. learning how to let go, so hard at times when it comes to your children.. but placing them in God's hands, a blessing.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this post.
Misty
This lesson is universal -- we all have the natural instinct to take back control. I remember knowing when my oldest was an infant that God was saying, "when you worry, you are telling Me that you don't trust Me to do my job!" -- ouch! It's definitely a lesson I have to learn over and over... Thanks for your great post!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I have to admit (a bit ashamedly), I have NEVER been that mom. Even being the mom of 4 babies. I did all the late night feedings, but my husband did all of the late night checking on them, and I would go right on sleeping. Yeah. Worst mother ever. Lol.
ReplyDeleteI love that version of that verse! I agree that we have to find the balance between holding too tightly and still doing our job---while allowing God to do His. Those pictures are precious. Enjoy those little ones! As you know, they grow up very quickly!
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