Just as college was a time of great spiritual growth and experience, it was a time of failure. Funny how those two go hand in hand sometimes. In times of first love passion for God, immaturity and lack of a true spiritual authority gave way to attack, temptation, and a fall.
So in this defining time in my life I seesawed between living my life for Christ and living my life for my flesh. While I longed for more of God and sought him in the morning, in the evening I longed for acceptance and sought it in parties, drinking, and boys.
I would walk well for a while. I’d stay out of the party scene. I’d get plugged into campus ministries. I’d help out. I’d share my faith. Pray for others. Worship with abandon. Pray fervently. Delve into the Word.
Then temptation would come. And I’d fall. I’d go to the club. Drink. Dance. Dress provocatively. Flirt. I’d find myself talking about what it is to be a Christian at a frat party in a short skirt and a beer in my hand. I thought I could live on both sides of the fence.
I was wrong.
One night when I was out with my friends we went back to a frat house with some guys. We separated off and before I knew it I was alone in a bedroom with one. My head was spinning. I couldn’t think straight. I hadn’t had nearly enough alcohol to be drunk. Yet I felt a drunken spirit on me like a wet blanket over my head. I said stop. He said no and held me down.
A fallen girl.
A merciful God.
And His grace was sufficient. Even for me. Even for a daughter who knew better. Even for a fence rider. In my greatest fall, His sacrifice was greater. His immense forgiveness was there. And His Precious Holy Spirit healed the wounds on my heart.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10